Happiness

March 18, 2007 in Cricket

…lies in not following Cricket, or rather more specifically, not following the travails of the bunch of clowns, who go by the name of Indian Cricket Team.

I seriously disagree with Confused when he says that this bunch of idiots needs to be fired immediately. No, dear sir, you have it all wrong!

We need to get them all home and lock them in an army barrack (alongwith the coach, manager, all selectors, the Board of BCCI, and anyone who’s hopeful of getting a place in the team in the next 5 years). Then put them on a practice regimen which would go thus. Wake up at 4 am, go for a 10-mile cross country run, have a shower, then a 10 minute breakfast of boiled rice, chickpeas, moong daal & cornflakes, then practice catches for the next 2 hours, a break of 10 minutes followed by a cup of tea. After which they practice throwing for an hour, and diving for another hour (concrete pitches required for the latter).

Lunch will be served courtesy Jet Airways.

After lunch, everyone pratices batting for 3 hours, followed by another 10 mile run, a 30 minutes swim session, and dinner cooked by IIM Calcutta cooks. After which will be 2 hours strategy session, led by Indian Army, with guest lectures by Al Qaeda and US Government (learning what not to do is as important, you see!)

Then you have an hour of “free time” to write diaries, play cards, have brawls, and complain of the tax dollars lost to Indian public. Any movement after “lights out” will result in shots fired by snipers stationed all around.

Any survivors after 3 years of this will have deserved a place in the final squad, and will be rewarded handsomely for their efforts by Coke & Pepsi.

If you object to this plan, let me point out that only those wanting to serve the Indian cricket team will be asked to go through this. Think of it like a graduation program for a degree!

The only hitch in this plan is that the Indian Army might well object to this, citing Geneva Convention. Hmmm, in which case there’s always Tihar Jail.