Social media & image

Laura Dern’s letter to her daughter is a great read!

“Life is scary…and it’s glorious. You’re never going to get it all right. You’ll get it deliciously messed up, and that will be part of figuring out who you are.

There’s a huge force affecting your generation—it’s called social media, and it’s mothering you as much as I am. This other mother is very influential, and she’s telling you that your value is determined by how many people follow you. She is deciding what beauty looks like and which extravagances add up to a fun life.

What social media is giving young right now are the two stories that keep us trapped—the black and the white. At one extreme, everything’s perfect and light, and everyone’s surrounded by friends. The other end of the spectrum seems to glamorize the darkest depression and solitude. But I want you to know that most of your life will happen in the gray spaces between bliss and heartbreak, between having everything lock into place and having it all fall apart. That’s where the grace is.”

Satisfaction

Such a great article by Arthur Brooks!

As we wind our way through life, satisfaction—the joy from fulfillment of our wishes or expectations—is evanescent. No matter what we achieve, see, acquire, or do, it seems to slip from our grasp…

I know that satisfaction is one of the core “macronutrients” of happiness (the other two being enjoyment and meaning), and that its slippery nature is one of the reasons happiness is often so elusive as well…

Your goals are probably very different from mine, and perhaps your lifestyle is too. But the trap is the same. Everyone has dreams, and they beckon with promises of sweet, lasting satisfaction if you achieve them. But dreams are liars. When they come true, it’s … fine, for a while. And then a new dream appears…

The satisfaction problem, then, is our natural attachment to these inadequate things…

Satisfaction = what you have ÷ what you want

The prince will always skip the small satisfactions of life, forgoing a flower at dusk for money, power, or prestige. But the sage never makes this mistake…

Brutal Honesty

Quick note: your brutal honesty? Ain’t nobody asking for that.

Where is you clever honesty? Your compassionate honesty? Your insightful honesty? Uplifting? Poetic? Empowering?

Take your brutal honesty and go sit in the back with all the devil’s advocates.

I am so sick of the phrase “brutal honesty”, because brutal honesty is usually a name for “obvious insight that I’m too lazy to deliver in a non-destructive way.”

It’s one thing to use the phrase as a reflexive turn of phrase, but when you are touting it like it’s your value added?
Pssst. Secret-sharing time, y’all.
I can get blunt, abusive “truth” just by turning off my block list.

To be brutally honest…How about don’t? Is your truth so amazing that it can’t use a little polishing? That you can’t make any effort to make it speak to the person you give it to?

No? Well, pull out your knife then…but don’t be upset if folks don’t want to be stabbed.

I guess what I am saying is that you if you have something you need to say, it is worth the effort to say it well. Well doesn’t always mean “nice” (ugh). It means saying it in a way that it needs to be said to be heard.

– Quinn Murphy (on twitter)

The Way It Is, by William Stafford

There’s a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.