Such a Long Journey

20 Jun

Falstaff recounts his flight home from US, whence he travelled with a really nice couple (referred to as Uncleji and Auntyji). Oh, the memories it triggered. No matter that the Auntyji on my first flight home from UK was the air-hostess (Air India Zindabad!). My favorite passages are quoted below (at the risk of being called a plagiarist!), but do read the full thing!

Crisis 1: As the plane pushes back from the gate and begins to taxi towards the runway, Falstaff, being inexperienced in these matters, commits the terrible blunder of starting to read a book (a set of Cheever's short stories). Immediate gasp of shock from his co-passengers. Doesn't he realise that with his book raised up like that Uncleji can't actually SEE the runway?! How does he expect the plane to take off if Uncleji's visibility is impaired? How dare he put the safety of the entire plane in jeopardy this way?

Crisis 4: Meal over, Auntyji and Uncleji decide they're in the mood for some in-flight entertainment. A fifteen minute struggle ensues, in which Uncleji unhooks his wife's seat belt, switches all available reading lights on and off, reclines and brings forward his seat 273 times, narrowly escapes making long-distance calls to Swaziland and almost succeeds in connecting his headphones to the rivets holding his seat together, but is still no closer to actually switching his entertainment system on. At this point Falstaff's earlier hooliganism (see Crisis 1) is forgiven and his help is enlisted. Falstaff proceeds to give careful instructions, helping Uncleji to get to point where he's happily watching Video Channel 2. Uncleji then proceeds to 'help' Auntyji with her system. The fact that Auntyji seems to have managed to get the system to work by herself and is happily immersed in some inane Karishma Kapoor film (I know, I know – the adjective is redundant) makes no difference. She's a woman, therefore it's his duty to guide her.

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Posted by on June 20, 2006 in Humor, Links


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