In crippled U.S. auto giant news, General Motors announces a new
business plan under which it will fire everybody but Howie Long, who
will continue to make what GM calls "some of the most popular
commercials on the market." Meanwhile, Chrysler, looking to the
future, invests $114 million in an Amway distributorship.
On the international-tension front, a meeting of the U.N. Security
Council to discuss possible sanctions against North Korea is forced to
adjourn hastily when the council chamber is penetrated by a missile.
In sports, Helio Castroneves wins the Indianapolis 500, although his
victory is somewhat tainted by the fact that all 32 of the other cars
were hijacked by Somali pirates. Major League Baseball suspends Dodger slugger Manny Ramirez for 50 games after his urine sample explodes.