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links for 2011-01-01

01 Jan
  • I saw, in my mind's eye, my brother, my father, and that delicate false world they had created for each other. Like a house of cards I could finally destroy. But I realized what I had thought was sick all these years wasn't sick; it was perfectly understandable. My father deferred to my brother and was hard on me because I was his natural son…My brother had been rejected by his natural father. My father knew how that felt. Alone. Unwanted. Adrift in life. He was determined my brother would never feel that way, too, even if it had to be at my expense. It was their common bond that shaped, or misshaped, their relationship, and, in the process excluded me. So what? I was supposed to know these things. I was supposed to know that despite everything these two men loved me in their way. Everything else I felt was the self-pity of a boy who'd never become a man. A pampered boy who would never realize how blessed he was to have had not one but two fathers.
  • You get old, small things give you pleasure that were once an annoyance…
    You get old, you realize order is freedom. You do your job more professionally, no longer on the fly…
    You get old, you realize your job these past 40 years was God’s gift. When you were young, you thought you were God’s gift.
    You get old, you forget things, not because your mind is going, but because your memory box is filled. A name comes up and you find yourself mentally flipping through all those thousands of slides, trying to place the name with a face or an event…
    You get old, your dreams constrict. You no longer expect fame and fortune, your face on the cover of Time…
    You get old, you cry more. Not over your lost dreams, your sins, your old age, your impending death…
    You cry for everyone but yourself because you have lived a wonderful life, and you wish that every person, every pet, could live such a life too. When you were young, you cried only for yourself.
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Posted by on January 1, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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